Poison
« If it haunts your mind and rot your soul, find a way to spit it out.
As for my own pain, it came out as these lines, I used the poison as my ink.
Sometimes it is in pain that beauty is birthed.»
I used to draw strength from the love I thought you could provide for me but that enticing love wasn't mine to share, this warm heart was not mine to hold, this dream wasn't mine to pursue.
——
What did it feel like ?
——
I danced with unpredictable deception.
Fed my mind with misleading signs
All a masquerade, impersonated idyll.
Misinterpreted romance.
Eyes can't hold the tears no more.
Heart skips beats.
I'm breath depraved.
Sore like unskinned flesh.
Wounded heart is inner bleeding.
Bitter and sour is life’s taste
Mind can’t see, clearly it’s all blurry.
It bites, slaps, torments and aches.
Feelings tear me appart.
Sorrow ensnares. Guilt accuses.
Targeted yet failed.
Missed the way to your heart
Am I unworthy ?
The path was sealed.
Lovesick.
I drank poison from my craving heart.
Lost who I am and
Watch myself disappear
Addicted to you, I faded
Did it to blindly please
Ignoring the warnings
Darkness blinds
The truth it hides.
Grief alone hugged and cared
Thoughts torture the soul with endless songs.
Found myself singing along.
Where is peace resting at ?
Is it near or further still afar ?
Let me nestle there for a while.
Enduring the pain. Looking for relief
Insanity.
Unable to withstand the pull.
Gravity had chosen you.
Free my hope. Revoke your spell.
Renounce on your hold.
Tough passion has bonded will
an hostage of love.
yet destiny is written ahead
For Heaven sake,
How do you let go ?
False hope is hope still…
Desperation.
[*Sigh*]
When you’re not mine.
Draw me lost.
Lips are longing a sacred kiss
Like a seed for a drop of water.
Was it about to blossom?
Yet sun burnt faster.
Thought I was yours
Although willing to pay the price
But you withhold.
If only...[sigh]
Hope is strong and steady
On signal will burst out
Bringing life back to what only seems dead
Resurrecting whats been painfully buried
Memory,
Will you ever let go of the shape and smell ?
Stop recalling the dreams, let them turn to dust.
Mind as a maze heart got lost there too.
Impossible, holds pain's hand through.
Made a mistake.
I need to forgive… myself
For feeling, falling & hurting.
Locked in the feeling
I learnt you
You don't share
I shrinked and cowered in my own heart
Crippled
Do I love pain?
Almost cherished the hurt.
Useless.
Though conscious it hurts
I keep wearing this heavy weight on my longing heart
Feeling the urge to apology
Sorry for ever loving you
The human I am stuck in is weak.
Is this it ?
Appeared to be only a make-believe
A one way street love
Only real on my side
Yet I experienced genuine pain
I cruelly fell for you.
In need of time to heal
Of a shelter to take refuge.
Yet I know, this too shall pass.